Rough Draft Essay 2

November 25, 2012

Dear Young Men;

Most people are aware of the stereotype that women are more emotional than men, which I’m sure the majority of men will agree that is true. When you see a woman who is crying, the first thing that comes to mind is something along the lines of “women always cry and get emotional” without even considering what the woman is upset about. Granted we, women in general, tend to cry a lot but that doesn’t mean we are more emotional than you. We are just better at expressing our emotions.

There is another common stereotype that men should not show their emotions. Women often believe this and hold all men accountable for the stereotype. Although the stereotype has truth to it, it doesn't mean you don't feel the same emotions as us. Generally we show our emotions to the public while you keep your emotions inside promoting the stereotype. According to Goldsmith, "Men tend to have a greater control over their emotions and what they will display to the world, possibly due to having more difficulty displaying emotion than women." However, you usually express your emotions to only a small amount of people you feel comfortable with and tend to downplay your emotions while we tend to act as if the world is coming to an end. 

Talking about emotions is a very important skill to have but men and women have different conversational styles. We tend to talk faster when we get excited and interrupt you when you are struggling to find the right words. As a result of this excitement, you tend to shut down because you feel unable to express yourselves because we cut you off in your train of thought in the middle of a sentence. According to psychotherapist Barton Goldsmith, "Men find it more difficult to attach words to emotions and getting back on track in an emotional conversation can be very difficult for them". Although we feel the same emotions, you can't express your emotions very well which makes it easy to assume that we are more emotional than you.

There is another factor which explains partially why you can’t express your emotions like us. You have either consciously or subconsciously been influenced by your male peers to conform to the “guy code” which is a set of rules all men must follow. The main rules are to never show emotion, be aggressive and show no mercy. It has been discovered by psychologists that young elementary school boys have been influenced by this code in one way or another. According to numerous psychologists, “as a result, boys feel effeminate not only if they express their emotions, but even if they feel them” (Kimmel 616). Being the woman I am this makes me sad to think that you guys are put under so much pressure from other men and women to act a certain way. It isn’t fair that society holds such high expectations on the ways you are supposed to act.

On the contrary, we are labeled as emotional because we express our emotions by crying when we are dealing with too much stress, whereas you get angry. Yet anger is an emotion and men generally seem angrier than women but aren't labeled as emotional. Anger and sadness are both emotions felt and expressed by both men and women, but you get angry more often then we get sad. Think about driving: men and women both drive but usually we don't cry if someone cuts us off whereas you yell, threaten and sometimes injure or kill someone that cut you off. As well as sports; you often yell, cheer, celebrate or break things, hurt or even kill over such a small, minor hobby. Obviously both of us get angry and sad; different individuals within the different sexes display diverse amounts of anger and sadness.

Consider incarceration statistics, according to the U.S. Bureau of Justice Statistics, in 2009 approximately 2,096,300 men and 201,200 women were in state, federal or county jail. “One out of 18 men and one in 89 women were charged with violent crimes in 2008”. As you can see men are more violent than women and violence is caused from the emotion anger. If you guys would try to learn how to express your emotions, you wouldn’t end up in prison or dead. You guys have so much built up inside of you and you feel like the only way you can get rid of it is through anger and violence, but that isn’t the case. You would benefit all around if you opened up more and talked about your feelings before you do something stupid.

We are a lot stronger and tougher than you think. We endure physical pain in such a way you could never even begin to comprehend: childbirth. And some single mothers have full time jobs and are raising half the children in America all by themselves. Despite our pain, tolerance and strength we have. Ken Solin, author and men's support group activist, believes our greatest power is our emotional strength. We naturally care for others, especially our families. We can easily care for our children and husbands at the same time and we are not scared or embarrassed of our emotions, unlike you. "Men who think women are weak because they cry more easily than they do are delusional. Women cry to release their pent-up emotions, instead of holding them in and blowing up. Men have yet to learn this simple lesson." Solin has worked for over twenty years with men through divorces, sharing kids, single parenting, relationships, dysfunctional boyhoods, anger, depression and anxiety among many other issues. Provided with Solin’s background in men's mental health and the fact that he is a man praising women for our strengths and downgrading your conceptions of women, he successfully explains that men are incapable of being emotionally and physically as strong as us.

Men are also the causes of emotional issues to themselves, women, and their children. Fathers, who don’t spend time with their children or neglect child support, hurt them because they deny their children emotional support and stability, the most important aspect growing up. According to Solin, “Most of the male dysfunctional behavior that causes so much pain to everyone is related to their inability to respond appropriately to their own feelings.” You tend to take out your anger on us, not because you are angry at us, but because we are usually physically smaller and easy targets. Honestly, you need to stop taking out your anger on everyone else and accept responsibility for causing so much pain to yourself and the people around you and if you don’t want to do that for yourself, do it for your loved ones.

I want to specifically state that I do not blame you guys for the ways you act and handle emotions. I blame society and the standards set for you to live up to. It is ridiculous that you can’t express yourselves the way you need to in order to prevent detrimental consequences.

Consider rap music: most rappers are young men, specifically black men. The majority of people that have ever listened to a rap song agree that they sound angry and degrade women. According to Joan Morgan, author of “From Fly Girls to Bitches and Hoes”, “It is criminal that the only space our society provided for the late Tupac Shakur to examine the pain, confusion, drug addiction, and fear that led to his arrest and his eventual assassination was in a prison cell” (Morgan 606). I agree with her completely, I listen to rap every single day and I hear the pain in the rappers voices behind the lyrics. In my opinion Tupac was one of the greatest rappers that ever lived; he has a variety of tones in his songs. Some of his songs are very violent and aggressive, others are sad and depressing and some of his best songs are the ones that state the bold truth with the consequences associated. He was a very talented man that had gone through unimaginable things and he had no one to turn to. Society didn’t care what he felt inside, society only cared about arresting him and hearing his music. If society would have given him a chance, a safe place to express himself, he probably wouldn’t have ended up in prison then killed. This goes the same for all men out there. If you guys had a place to talk about the things you felt inside and felt cared for, you would be a lot happier.

We need to make a change together. You guys are just as emotional as us, if not more; you just express it in different ways. If you can accept the fact it is hard for you to express your emotions, regardless of the reasons why, then we can change this together. Women are programmed to care, love and nurture. We want to be there for you. We want to support you, make you feel happier and prevent all of the hate, anger and violence but you have to accept that you have and feel emotions in order for us to help. Once you do that, you can do anything. We will make society a better place where men are not scrutinized for having and expressing their emotions. Emotions are uncontrollable feelings felt inside that you should not be blamed for having. Together we will make a change and you will feel safe to express yourselves and you will receive the support, care and compassion you deserve.  

Sincerely,

Sara Estrada